3 Keys to Finding Your Perfect Partner in Business and Life
How to Find the Partner That’s Right for You.
👋🏽 Hey friend!
I know it’s been a while since you heard from me, but I promise I had a REALLY GOOD reason for being away. Check it out:
I was getting married!
These past few weeks have been some of the most chaotic and hectic of my life. Through all the chaos that is wedding planning — I was able to reflect and learn about myself, my partner, and what makes us work even through the hard times. With that reflection I was able to distill my lessons down into three keys for success. So whether it’s a partner in life, or a partner in business I want to share my 3 keys to any successful partnership with you.
Before I begin, I want to mention that I learned these lessons quite a long time ago from Asheem Chandna, managing partner of Greylock Partners. As an undergrad from the UIUC, I was fortunate to attend a trip to Silicon Valley where we met with very prominent business leaders from the startup ecosystem. Sitting down with Asheem in a bright boardroom overlooking Sand-Hill Road, I asked “What makes for finding the perfect co-founder?”
“I believe it’s the same whether it’s your life partner or your business partner. A startup takes typically 10 years from ideation to exit, so you’re going to be spending arguable more time with your co-founder than with your life-partner for those 10. It’s crucial you get this choice right.”
He paused and then took a breath.
“Respect. Trust. Compatibility.”
These three components underly any truly great and lasting relationship. I want to dive into those three and share with you what those mean to me.
Respect:
Mark Manson, Author of “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” writes on the topic of love and relationships quite often. Two years ago, he sent out a survey to over 1,500 married and divorced folks asking “What lessons would you pass down to others if you could”.
Interestingly patterns seemed to emerge from both groups of people.
“As I scanned through the hundreds of responses I received, I began to notice an interesting trend: People who had been through divorces almost always talked about communication being the most important part of making things work. Talk frequently. Talk openly. Talk about everything, even if it hurts.
And there is some merit to that (which I’ll get to later).
But I noticed that the thing people with happy marriages going on 20, 30, or even 40 years talked about most was respect.” - Mark Manson
The key lesson behind this is that at a certain point, communication will break down inevitably. No matter how transparent, no matter how disciplined, no matter how structured — conflict will occur and feelings will get hurt.
What is crucial is that you hold each other in high esteem and believe in one another. You need to believe that your partner/co-founder is doing their best with what they have.
Building off of that, you also need to respect their differences in opinion. You’ve come together with a different human oftentimes as a complement to the skillsets you’ve been missing. OF COURSE they’ll make choices that are different than yours and spend their time differently than you would. You shouldn’t judge them as better or worse.
So what does that look like?
Never complain about your partner to others. If you have a problem with your partner, you should be having that conversation with them.
Respect that they have different interests and perspectives than what you have, and appreciate those differences as making the whole better.
Give them an equal say in the relationship. It’s easy for entrepreneurs to believe they’re doing all the work, but accept that you may only see a fraction of all the work they’re putting in on their own time. Appreciate this and give them equal say.
Trust
Trust is what underlies every great relationship. Whether it’s in business or in your personal life, trust is a non-negotiable for success.
Y-Combinator famously has a rule of “No-Assholes” because all it takes is one terrible experience to damage the reputation of the organization permanently.
Once you’ve broken trust in a relationship, it’ll never be quite the same, and you may not achieve the optimal relationship that you could have before the trust was broken.
I’ve heard breaking trust and trying to make it work again is like smashing a glass and gluing all the pieces back together. Yes, it may still work, but it’ll be MUCH more fragile, and water may leak out from the cracks. Maybe it’s better to move on and get a new glass altogether.
On the other hand, making sure that trust is intact throughout all stages of the relationship will ensure you both are given the space to be vulnerable in the toughest situations and thrive through it.
Compatibility
This may not be the best picture, but it’s one of my favorites. I just see so much pure happiness in both of our faces (especially since I was bawling my eyes out just 10 minutes before).
Compatibility is probably what is easiest to understand — it’s just “do you both get along”.
Consulting interviews have dubbed the test for this as the “Pittsburgh Airport Test” and it goes like this:
“What it commonly known as the airport test is a theoretical or hypothetical question an interviewer asks themselves after interviewing: "Would I want to be stuck in an airport for 9 hours with this person?" Essentially, the airport test is a way to gauge whether you are a likable candidate and if the interviewer answers, "Yes," it is a good indication you are a good hire for their needs and they could work well with you.” - Indeed.com
Throughout your partnership, you’ll be faced with a slew of challenges — from financial struggles, to snowed in flights. What you need to know is that you have a partner that will help you through those struggles, not hinder or make it worse.
Compatibility means you can sit in that airport and make the most of the experience with your partner. It does not mean that you share all the same opinions, hobbies, and interests. It certainly doesn’t mean that you never have disagreements or arguments.
Being compatible means you can talk for hours on end with this individual, which is what you’ll need to do regularly as you’re building up your life or business with the person.
In Conclusion
Every successful relationship is built off of the same underlying components of respect, trust, and compatibility. Whether it’s a business relationship, or a life partner -- making sure these factors are there before jumping into a giant project like starting a business (or starting a life) together will ensure you have a strong foundation for a relationship that stands the test of time.
For My Wife
Thank you Safa for being the best partner I could have ever asked for through this all. With every passing day, our partnership gets sweeter and sweeter. You make me a better person. I love you with my whole heart. Thank you for respecting, trusting, and getting along with me -- I promise you that I will respect, trust, and get along with you all the same.
Here’s to all of us finding our partners in life.
Adeel + Safa
❓A Question for You:
What do you think I’m missing from this list, or what would you say are the most important factors for a successful relationship? Comment below and let us know your thoughts!